I was wanting to practice a new string of Natural Selling dialogue questions this last week and decided a good place to do so would be one of the many coffee shops we have here in Vancouver. 

So with my cup of tea and chocolate cake I found a place on a stool that faced outward to the street to watch the people passing buy (intended pun!). I also made sure there was an empty stool on each side of me! 

Then… in the words of Franz Kafka, that famous Austrian/Czech philosopher and poet… I became “quiet, still and solitary”… and waited for the world to “roll in ecstasy” at my feet… while enjoying the chocolate cake of course! 

Kafka was right when he continued with the words… “It has no choice. The world will freely offer itself to you to be unmasked”, because sure enough, two minutes later a lady turned up. 

“Is this seat taken?” she asked

“It’s about to be” I replied with a smile, “By you!” 

The late Victor Borge said that “the shortest distance between two people was a smile” and he was right as well. It appears all my favorite philosophers are right… that’s what philosophers are for aren’t they… to make sure we understand the real truth? 

Anyway, I digress… which is always fun to do when you know you’re going to get to your destination anyway! 

Getting into conversation with her I tested my string of questions and discovered over the space of about 10 minutes, that among many other things, she was stuck in her life and hated her job of the last 20 years. Where she worked she had had three different jobs. She was also sharing a house with 3 guys and that was getting her down. Not a happy person! 

What she really wanted to be was be an actor… and had wanted to do that for the last 5 years. However… during this period of time, she had taken no acting lessons, nor attended any casting calls and had done nothing to further this dream. 

She also wanted to sell because it would give her freedom. However… her only experience had been as a cashier in a retail store and had done nothing to pursue or further that profession. Nor did she seem to be interested in really pursuing it! 

I summed up that this was the type of person who does not meet the criteria necessary for me to spend any time in talking about solutions. 

And I didn’t. I changed the subject and prepared for another conversation with someone else. Here’s why… 

While she had a problem (a difference between what she has and what she wants)… and while she expressed an external desire to change her present situation… she also expressed little or no internal desire to do so. Without internal desire there is not going to be any commitment. Without commitment there is no action. 

And the only way someone can be helped is if they are prepared… to help themselves first. I don’t care how much they are in pain… you cannot help someone who does not have the personal commitment to make a change. 

To do this effectively requires letting go of your need to make a sale or get someone to do something. The result of this is that you stay centered and calm because there is no longer any anxiety about your own needs having to be met. Just know that they will be. Persevere and the world will roll in ecstasy at YOUR feet! 

To help you do this you will find my CD’s “Introducing Your Business and Products” very useful. They are part of my “Power Up Your Dialogue” CD series. They demonstrate how by letting go of talking about yourself and allowing your potential customers and partners talk about themselves, you can have fearless conversations and accelerate the growth of your business. 

So the upshot of the coffee shop conversation was that while I did not get to present my solution, as there was no point, I did get to practice my string of new questions. Are you practicing yours?

About the Author

Michael OliverMichael Oliver is an internationally recognized trainer, speaker and author and the founder of Natural Selling, the only sales training program designed to really eliminate rejection and objections. Visit his blog and signup free to get blog updates by email, along with the latest news, free advice, additional resources, and a lot more! Go now to http://michaeloliver.com. While you're at it, check out http://www.naturalselling.com.

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